Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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