Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My bed smells like the plague
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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