We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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