when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
