he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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