what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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