omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
