I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My pussy is not your playground.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dicks are not precious.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
