I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
