Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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