i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
