So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
