Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i came on her dog
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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