If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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