So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
