Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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