I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
