he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
