Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
