I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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