she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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