Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
okay pat passed out under dana's car
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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