Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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