I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
