Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
