My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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