We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
