strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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