JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do vagina's smell?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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