Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
