My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
