everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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