guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I need moral support for this bender
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
