Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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