ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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