dude i'm inner monologue high
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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