Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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