I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the day after is always just damage control
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
