her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
