Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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