Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
