I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
