We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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