I cockslap morals
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
