you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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