There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
