why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
pray to the hookup gods
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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