Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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