Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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