you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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