And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
