Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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