I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
