i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
