The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
