You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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