Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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