WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
