Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this boner is exhausting
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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