Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
