So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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