I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
