WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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