I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My pussy is not your playground.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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