new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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