just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
