she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
