Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
