how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
