just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
