i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
