stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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