His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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