Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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