Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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