But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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