If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this boner is exhausting
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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