I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
