Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
