I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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